Feminism Goes Down the Drain
Wendy Shalit's article is really cool -I never thought this way about the current state of the women's lib movement before readint it. Anyway, won't dwell too much on substance this time. ;)
Her opening paragraph really attracts the reader. Starting off with one short statement and going on to three questions. The questions grow in length from the first to the last one. It makes the opening sound good and more structured. I would feel weird if the first question was the longest compared to the other two or the second question, for that matter.
The second paragraph sums up what she wants to say in this article. Sort of her nutgraph, I guess.
Paras 3 and 4 are basically quotes: the former introducing the idea of the Female Chauvinist Pig and the latter underlining the fact that there is a problem here.
Para 5 has two more question marks. Another quote to double underline that there is a problem.
Para 6 is just one sentence but its the longest sentence throughout the article. It's 53 words long!
"Everyone in Ms. Levy's book--whether it's middle-class girls who feel anxiety about appearing "hot" or grown women who confess to Ms. Levy that "accumulating sex for its own sake . . . is not that sexual"--shows that a woman's experience of sex and love is very different from that of an adolescent boy or a man."
Para 7 tells us why we've got this problem.
Para 8 is an example which strengthens the fact that there is indeed a problem with the female population. (It hurts me to type this). I don't think she put it there to tell us for the umpteenth time that there is a problem; she probably wanted to add colour to the piece.
Para 9, is a smart and witty effort. Good play on the use of pig.
Summary:
1. Questions posed go from short to long.
2. If you want to pose another set of questions (para 5), don't use the same number of questions again. Try not to make them sound like the preceding ones by:
Different relative length, maybe.
Different sort of questions. Questions in Para 1 give examples to the reader. Questions in Para 5 do not give examples, Shallit asks solid questions here.
3. Add colour with examples and quotes.
4. Long sentences, if structured well, can work.
3 comments:
Seems like you've got your very first blog spam in the form of Nadia Smith above. You can delete such spam comments. I do all the time.
Anyway, very good effort in breaking down the article. This is the kind of technical analysis I'm looking for.
Now, don't just analyze and forget about it. Jot down the techniques somewhere. Perhaps there's an article in the future where such techniques (or parts of it) can be utilized to good effect.
There's no shame in borrowing good ideas or style.
Note in particular her very punchy and provocative conclusion.
Am surprised that you did not touch on substance. Why not?
Is it because you wanted to simply focus on the techniques?
Or because you don't have strong views either way.
Or you are a bit too shy to reveal your feelings (for or against) what Shalit is saying?
Overall, very good effort in the technical analysis. Keep it up. Next time, throw in a discussion on substance.
You keep this up, Stefanie, and you'll be a damn good writer by the time you come home to M'sia.
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